Legato and his 'Shrooms
by OhSoCray
Summary: A short story based on Trigun's famed villain Legato Bluesummers and his best friends; mushrooms!


Legato and his 'Shrooms

Author: Mi-chan

D I S C L A I M E R: I do not own the character, Legato Bluesummers. He is the property of Yasuhiro Nightow, Madhouse, Young King Ours or who ever else helped in his creation. ...Please do not sue me.

Author's Note: This is a short story. A one-time short story! I do not intend to make a sequel, unless a bunch of you fans come at me with guns and pitchforks. Forgive the lack of comedy. Although I hope you enjoy anyway. Maybe this short story will spark an idea in some other more talented writer. Thank you and enjoy.

----

Legato Bluesummers loves to eat his mushrooms. Even when causing the infamous _Vash the Stampede _eternal suffering; he eats mushrooms. Mushroom soup, stuffed mushrooms, marinated mushrooms; he eats it all!

When Legato fulfills Knives' tasks, he is indeed given mushrooms.

_Yippee!_

Which is hardly ever since our good old Humanoid Typhoon ruins his plans. Forcing Knives to deprive Legato of his beloved bitter tasting friends.

_Aww..._

Yes, even for the mighty Bluesummers; getting mushrooms is a pain in the rear end for our blue-haired villian.

----

It was a cheerful morning on Planet Gunsmoke in a small town west of New Oregon. Of course to Legato, it seemed banal and unbelievably pointless. For it is not like Legato to wander into this kind of atmosphere, but he was desperate!

He had failed in his last job to make a certain peace loving gunslinger suffer eternally. Therefore, it meant one less plate of organic mushrooms. Sadly, this wasn't the only time Legato came back to Knives with a poor report. His deprivation was starting to get to him. He had to have some mushrooms within the next hour or he'd pop (or go on a killing spree, whichever came first).

Anyway, we begin with our pernicious Gung-Ho Gun at a vegetable market. As Legato observed a row of his miniscule morsels, passerbys avoided him because of his robust structure and because of the torture device and skull located on both his left and right shoulders. Also because he gave off a lucid aura telling people to _leave him alone!_

An hour later, a frightened clerk came up to him shakingly asking, "C-C-Can I help you s-sir?"

Without bothering to move his gaze towards the clerk, Legato coldly responded with a simple _no._

That was enough to return the servile clerk back to his work without another word. Legato shook his head in frustration, "Foolish humans..."

Finally Legato picked out his mushrooms, then strode silently to the checkout. The customers had left already because of that aloof blue-haired stranger that did nothing but stare at mushrooms for over an hour. Luckily for Legato, the staff chose to stay for the sake of business. Besides, if this man started any trouble the authorities can handle it...right?

The clerk from before shakingly stood there at the check out. Legato stared at him with his blank amber eyes, then sat his bag of mushrooms before the trembling man.

"I would like to purchase these please," said Legato in a frightfully polite tone.

"N-N-No problem, s-sir," stuttered the clerk as he carefully rang up the vegetables.

Legato: Vegetables...vegetables?!

Mi-chan: Well...yea...that's what they are right?

Legato: You're unbelievably stupid, human. How dare you call my darlings mere vegetables. Not only that, but you said they were vegetables in front of ME!

Mi-chan: ...Who said you could interupt the story anyway?

Legato: I got tired of your hideous grammar and ranting...

Mi-chan: ...No respect I tell ya', no respect.

Legato grinned menacingly at the man's fearful expression as he waited patiently. The clerk gulped as he loaded the mushrooms into a paper bag.

"That'll be...um...$$2.99," spoke the clerk trying to stop himself from shaking. Legato picked up his bag of mushrooms then walked towards the exit.

"Thank you..."

Once Legato left the market, the clerk fell back against the wall in relief. He wiped some sweat off his forehead before downing his water bottle. His manager then walked up to him looking back at the entrance, "Hey, you took out the old mushrooms and replaced them, right?"

The clerk sweat dropped setting his empty water bottle down, "No, no I didn't sir." The manager shrugged his shoulders, an awkward silence came over both of the men. The manager then rubbed the back of his head and said, "Well, it's his funeral."

The clerk blinked, "Are you sure it's a good idea to let him walk away?"

The manager sat at his desk, "That's what we have nut houses for, now get back to work!"

"Yessir!"

----

That is a typical day for Legato. Frightening the locals, killing random slave traders and of course eating mushrooms. Sweet, sweet, mushrooms.

Owari


End file.
